Bad Dreams

I started out this morning with ambitions.  I'm not sure where they all went. Shortly after sending Jordan off to school I became overwhelmed with exhaustion. I have no idea where it came from.  I felt I had slept relatively well the night before.  I woke up refreshed and got my morning routine done.  But, after everyone went off to school or work, and I was faced with an empty house, the ability to keep my eyes open failed me.  I figured most of what I needed to do could be accomplished later this afternoon so I gave in and took a nap.  Unfortunately, my nap ended up lasting 2 hours and I was almost late picking my son up from school.

During my siesta, I had a dream.  It ended up being one of those kinds of dreams that is so vivid, so real like that here I am 3 hours later and I'm still trying to shake that too real feeling.  I dreamed that I took Jordan to the doctor and he had to have a blood test because the doctor thought he had leukemia.  In order for him to not be so scared, I offered to let them draw my blood too so he could see that it wasn't so bad.  There was a mix up and rather than throwing my vial of blood away, the lab tested both of us.  It turns out that Jordan was fine, just a little anemic. However, I was the one diagnosed with leukemia.  The end of my dream involved a lot of people telling me to hang in there and that everything will be okay.  I'm still trying to shake the realism of this dream off right now.  I feel punch drunk.  It's as if I received this diagnosis in real life and I'm trying to come to grips with it.

This is why I hate taking naps.

Taking a break

I had to do it.  I had to say goodbye to Facebook for awhile.  After several attempts were made to eliminate certain people from my online "personal" life, I found the only way to completely eliminate them was to deactivate my account.  I was able to delete them from my friend's list however my posts were still visible to that person through the friends that we share.  I saw two options: delete my account and start over by using a pseudonym and hoping my friends would realize it was me and not a crazy person, or deactivate my account for awhile until I figure something else out.  I opted for the second one in hopes that the something better comes along and I can enjoy Facebook again.

Another reason I left FB for awhile is I found myself posting out of anger and resentment.  I made very personal status updates I normally wouldn't have done if I had been thinking clearly.  I don't mind sharing things like the funny stuff my son says or my plans for the day or something interesting that's happened to me.  I realized when I was posting ugly comments about my family because I was so hurt by them, that it was time for me to go.

I don't think this is goodbye forever.  In fact, I hope it isn't because I really enjoy keeping up with my friends and the things they are going through.  I just don't think it's a healthy place for me right now.  I can only hope my friends understand and will accept me back into their online lives... someday.

Where is my memory going?

I hate to admit it but I completely forgot about this blog. I've read so many books lately, all of which would have been great to talk about. Unfortunately, since I have the memory of a goldfish I've managed to not write about anything in a very long time.  I suppose I can start anew and write about the book I am currently reading which is Pretty in Plaid by Jennifer Lancaster. I absolutely love her books so reviewing this one is going to be a joy.

On a personal note, Jordan and I spent our last Saturday before school starts doing a couple fun things together. First, we went to The Pottery Barn where Jordan picked out a clay cat and I picked out a cute butterfly to paint. This was our first time trying anything artsy together and in the end we both gave it two thumbs up. We'll be going back again for sure. After that we headed out to Sunset Bay where we enjoyed an afternoon of fun in the sun. The beach was gorgeous, the sun was out, the wind was non-existent and according to Jordan the water was still cold. lol  That's Oregon life for ya. After that we headed up to Simpson Reef where we looked out onto the rocks and watched/listened to the Seals and Sea Lions bark.  I can't believe all of this beauty is only 10 miles from where we live.  To wrap our afternoon up we stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home for some ice cream.  Now it's time for baths, showers etc and calling it a day. I had a great time hanging out with my baby and the beach was spectacular but all that sun has produced a killer headache for me. I sure wish I knew why the sun gives me these bad headaches. It's one of the reasons I moved from Oklahoma to Washington. I knew we were headed for constant cloud cover.

I hope to be more diligent with my book reviews. Keeping my fingers crossed!